umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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