Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
