I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
