Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
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