Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
