I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
i now understand why vodka
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
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