Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
We were destined to go to rehab together
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
Randomize
