Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
