Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
handjob tips. give me some.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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