You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
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