I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
Randomize
