Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
you didnt know i had herpes?
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
