I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
