I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
