the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
