She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
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