So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
