its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
