Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Randomize
