Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
Randomize
