He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Randomize
