Pappa wants mamma naked
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
