I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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