I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
