I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I smell stomach acid.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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