you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
