Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Randomize
