My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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