I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
