DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
Randomize
