I am puke
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
4 words: hood of his car
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
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