It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
