Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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