I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
