never play flip cup with pint glasses
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
