Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
