Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
