glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Randomize
