I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Randomize
