Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Randomize
