i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
