Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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