Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
