so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
My dick has a subreddit
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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