your room smells of hookers.
And success
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
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