maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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