did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
