Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
