ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
