I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
