And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
