It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
