Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize
