I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.�
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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