im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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