I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
