i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Did you leave a mouse under my pillow again?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
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